I was having a chat with someone recently about wanting to be sober (I'm a pretty infrequent drinker however susceptible to peer pressure on a night out!) but worried about how I've struggled with having set "rules" about things, and they suggested I reframe it as a value I hold rather than something I need to hold as a matter of willpower, this was really helpful.
Anyway most important to add when we get Justin pix, you're a good looking chap!
Loved reading it, relate to so much of it. The way at parties you all start on the same frequency, then up they shoot. The ticket to another dimension! I always likened it to pressing pause on the difficult bits of life….and when play was pressed again those bits were even more difficult. Weirdly I also had a convo with my partner about how I might fancy a drink again, and realised as I was speaking that I probs wouldn’t. What I needed was to remember my own agency, that not-drinking wasn’t a cage I’d locked myself into. Anyway yes, adored. Becks x
Thank you so much! And yes like you say, it’s not a cage, it’s a lovely garden I chose to go to. I can leave at any time but life won’t be as nice, probably, so I should stay where I am. Even when it rains. Anyway, no more outdoor metaphors for me today I think. xx
Beautifully honest take on this. The part about experiencing everything at full power without a dimmer switch really captures something most people dont talk about with sobriety. There's this weird tradeoff where you gain clarity but lose that buffer that makes social stuff less exhausting. I've noticed even folks who never had a drinking problem sometims miss that easy mode switch.
Resonated. I’m having a tough time at the moment and reaching for wine is the quickest route to de-stressing. But also ruins my sleep. Two drinks. That’s the key. Or none. Just a fire, a cuppa and buttered digestives (I know it’s an Irish thing). Food for thought Justin and well done on your willpower.
It so easily becomes a habit, doesn't it, to take the edge off? But the long chemtrails it leaves in its wake become less and less worth it. Haha, I used to butter digestives by the way. (Irish granny.)
I stopped without realising it about eight years back. My partner too. We'd certainly put in the hours by that point. I've never said I don't drink, just that I'm not drinking right now. My partner recently decided to drink again. And went from zero to sixty in the space of two days. He's cut it back a bit now, but having drink in the house doesn't fuss me at all. I'm not saying never again, but I do get your point about how you're 'feared' at social events. Nobody ever cross-questions someone's choice between red and white at dinner, but water becomes instantly political - often followed by a comment about how they wish they 'could be as disciplined as me'. I'm not disciplined. I'm lazy. Hangovers really took too much of my time.
I really can't be bothered with fake alcohol tbh but I mainly drink it when I'm out in a group to muffle some of the conversation around not drinking. It never works – I usually get asked if they are 'as good as' the real stuff etc. Hangovers just a huge waste of time, too. I've only written one book while drinking and it took much longer than any of the others.
The big thing that annoys me about not drinking any more is all the extra admin. Being able to just say "Yes please" when someone offers me a glass of wine would make life so much easier, instead of the "oh a soft drink is fine, oh only San Pellegrino if it's Classic Taste blah blah blah" I bore myself and end up drinking a lot of water and tea.
It's like you f•ck everything up for everyone else. 'Oh we can't get a bottle if you're not drinking' etc – your sobriety ends up being other people's problem. I drink fake booze when out and I'm not a huge fan. I do *not* miss the taste of beer!
I've been sober 33 years after a lifetime of drinking. I still get the craving and the little voice that says one drink isn't going to hurt but I know if I went back I'd never be able to stop again
Not a day goes by that I do not think of drinking/ I wrote better drunk/ my novels were completed high/ my world was better then/ no it wasn't that's my evil twin talking/ I had completely lost control of my life back then. True, I think it helps the writing but at a price that's too steep to pay/ Gemini the twin my other half- elliott
I found it good for my comedy writing – I was a bit more vicious when hungover – but the one novel I wrote while drinking took too long and I really needed to be on it, so it was a good catalyst for cleaning up my act.
I find it interesting that she felt the need to hold herself publicly accountable when she could likely have gotten back on that wagon without anybody other than her close friends and family knowing about it. Famous people, eh?
I was having a chat with someone recently about wanting to be sober (I'm a pretty infrequent drinker however susceptible to peer pressure on a night out!) but worried about how I've struggled with having set "rules" about things, and they suggested I reframe it as a value I hold rather than something I need to hold as a matter of willpower, this was really helpful.
Anyway most important to add when we get Justin pix, you're a good looking chap!
Yes it is definitely a value rather than a rule – a much better approach.
Haha and thank you, but they are very old photos.
Loved reading it, relate to so much of it. The way at parties you all start on the same frequency, then up they shoot. The ticket to another dimension! I always likened it to pressing pause on the difficult bits of life….and when play was pressed again those bits were even more difficult. Weirdly I also had a convo with my partner about how I might fancy a drink again, and realised as I was speaking that I probs wouldn’t. What I needed was to remember my own agency, that not-drinking wasn’t a cage I’d locked myself into. Anyway yes, adored. Becks x
Thank you so much! And yes like you say, it’s not a cage, it’s a lovely garden I chose to go to. I can leave at any time but life won’t be as nice, probably, so I should stay where I am. Even when it rains. Anyway, no more outdoor metaphors for me today I think. xx
Beautifully honest take on this. The part about experiencing everything at full power without a dimmer switch really captures something most people dont talk about with sobriety. There's this weird tradeoff where you gain clarity but lose that buffer that makes social stuff less exhausting. I've noticed even folks who never had a drinking problem sometims miss that easy mode switch.
Resonated. I’m having a tough time at the moment and reaching for wine is the quickest route to de-stressing. But also ruins my sleep. Two drinks. That’s the key. Or none. Just a fire, a cuppa and buttered digestives (I know it’s an Irish thing). Food for thought Justin and well done on your willpower.
It so easily becomes a habit, doesn't it, to take the edge off? But the long chemtrails it leaves in its wake become less and less worth it. Haha, I used to butter digestives by the way. (Irish granny.)
Used to?? Justin once done surely one can never go back? Without seeing teeth marks in the butter is the digestive even worth having?!
Hahaha I haven’t eaten a digestive biscuit in well over 30 years.
OH. MY. GOD. Get amongst it Justin! Treat yo-self
I stopped without realising it about eight years back. My partner too. We'd certainly put in the hours by that point. I've never said I don't drink, just that I'm not drinking right now. My partner recently decided to drink again. And went from zero to sixty in the space of two days. He's cut it back a bit now, but having drink in the house doesn't fuss me at all. I'm not saying never again, but I do get your point about how you're 'feared' at social events. Nobody ever cross-questions someone's choice between red and white at dinner, but water becomes instantly political - often followed by a comment about how they wish they 'could be as disciplined as me'. I'm not disciplined. I'm lazy. Hangovers really took too much of my time.
I really can't be bothered with fake alcohol tbh but I mainly drink it when I'm out in a group to muffle some of the conversation around not drinking. It never works – I usually get asked if they are 'as good as' the real stuff etc. Hangovers just a huge waste of time, too. I've only written one book while drinking and it took much longer than any of the others.
Thank you for this thoughtful, candid essay, Justin.
Thanks so much for reading, Benjamin.
The big thing that annoys me about not drinking any more is all the extra admin. Being able to just say "Yes please" when someone offers me a glass of wine would make life so much easier, instead of the "oh a soft drink is fine, oh only San Pellegrino if it's Classic Taste blah blah blah" I bore myself and end up drinking a lot of water and tea.
It's like you f•ck everything up for everyone else. 'Oh we can't get a bottle if you're not drinking' etc – your sobriety ends up being other people's problem. I drink fake booze when out and I'm not a huge fan. I do *not* miss the taste of beer!
I've been sober 33 years after a lifetime of drinking. I still get the craving and the little voice that says one drink isn't going to hurt but I know if I went back I'd never be able to stop again
Well done for resisting. 33 years is very impressive!
Not a day goes by that I do not think of drinking/ I wrote better drunk/ my novels were completed high/ my world was better then/ no it wasn't that's my evil twin talking/ I had completely lost control of my life back then. True, I think it helps the writing but at a price that's too steep to pay/ Gemini the twin my other half- elliott
I found it good for my comedy writing – I was a bit more vicious when hungover – but the one novel I wrote while drinking took too long and I really needed to be on it, so it was a good catalyst for cleaning up my act.
I find it interesting that she felt the need to hold herself publicly accountable when she could likely have gotten back on that wagon without anybody other than her close friends and family knowing about it. Famous people, eh?
I did hear she was spotted at the Golden Globes a little worse for wear so maybe she was trying to head off the gossip.
Ah yes that makes sense. Get ahead of them.
Who'd want to be famous, eh? You get taxed on all those free giant Birkins, for a start.