Justin, thanks for writing this, it resonates so much. It's two days since a small group of us marked the three year anniversary of my sister (Nicola, strangely enough) passing away. She made a set of short videos of memories for her daughters, as she knew she didn't have much time. On Monday, we watched a couple and wow, it's like I spoke to her yesterday.
It’s such a multi-layered loss when a friend dies. They are the family we choose, they are our shared diaries of a long-gone time, they are context, clarity and utterly irreplaceable. Your hurt is testament to the love you and Nichola shared. You carry her flame so eloquently and with such love that she now touches the lives of strangers she never met. Be kind to your good and precious self, Justin and thankyou for this.
The 20th anniversary of my own dearest friend Ray's passing is next week and this one marks him now being gone for as long as I knew him, a moment I have been dreading for years for reasons I can't quite articulate. I was in a trio of best pals with Ray and Rob, and me and Rob talk about Ray constantly and I'm always grateful that I have him to remember Ray with. But everyday is still tinged with sadness that he's not here any more and there are still so many things I wish I could talk to him about. Life continued but also stopped at the same time - we were all meant to grow old together, instead he died at 25.
Thank you for this post and always writing so eloquently about your friend, it always resonates.
I lost a friend who took her own life, over 40 years ago. Julie is always talked about whenever I get together with Alison, also friends with Julie. We can't not talk about her.
I regularly drive past a lamppost memorial to someone who died at the spot 4 years ago. There are ever fresh messages, photos, new artificial flowers etc. I have wondered how helpful it is to keep up this public, physical memorial ... but who should tell us how to continue to remember someone? Thank you for your post, Justin.
Feels weird to like this post but 🤷🏻♀️
So beautifully written, grief is a bastard, but none of us can escape it.💜
Thank you for reading.
Grief requires so much remembering. All good wishes your way as you continue to navigate this loss; those five stages just repeat forever, it seems -
Yes, very much not linear.
Justin, thanks for writing this, it resonates so much. It's two days since a small group of us marked the three year anniversary of my sister (Nicola, strangely enough) passing away. She made a set of short videos of memories for her daughters, as she knew she didn't have much time. On Monday, we watched a couple and wow, it's like I spoke to her yesterday.
So sorry to hear about your sister. Nichola’s death was out of the blue but I do have a couple of videos although i can’t really watch them.
Thank you. I understand that, maybe you will be able to one day.
It’s such a multi-layered loss when a friend dies. They are the family we choose, they are our shared diaries of a long-gone time, they are context, clarity and utterly irreplaceable. Your hurt is testament to the love you and Nichola shared. You carry her flame so eloquently and with such love that she now touches the lives of strangers she never met. Be kind to your good and precious self, Justin and thankyou for this.
Yes, exactly that. You become an artefact of something never to return. Thank you for reading.
The 20th anniversary of my own dearest friend Ray's passing is next week and this one marks him now being gone for as long as I knew him, a moment I have been dreading for years for reasons I can't quite articulate. I was in a trio of best pals with Ray and Rob, and me and Rob talk about Ray constantly and I'm always grateful that I have him to remember Ray with. But everyday is still tinged with sadness that he's not here any more and there are still so many things I wish I could talk to him about. Life continued but also stopped at the same time - we were all meant to grow old together, instead he died at 25.
Thank you for this post and always writing so eloquently about your friend, it always resonates.
I totally understand the thing about him being gone as long as you knew him. Makes the tragedy seem all the greater, maybe. Thank you for reading.
Much love to you, Justin. You do Nichola proud x
Thank you Laura. x
💜
I lost a friend who took her own life, over 40 years ago. Julie is always talked about whenever I get together with Alison, also friends with Julie. We can't not talk about her.
I regularly drive past a lamppost memorial to someone who died at the spot 4 years ago. There are ever fresh messages, photos, new artificial flowers etc. I have wondered how helpful it is to keep up this public, physical memorial ... but who should tell us how to continue to remember someone? Thank you for your post, Justin.
Ah I’m sorry about your friend. Lovely that you keep her memory alive after all these years. Thank you for reading.