So if you live in South London and are waiting for a bus - don’t even think about having the G&T can in your Waitrose bag. However shite your day. You will feel like you’re back at school again and in big trouble with the headmistress
Just an ordinary primary - but apparently South London is big on “safeguarding”. When my daughter was at home safe with her dad. They had a long few days of whether to call social services. For one gin can. I don’t drink any more - maybe it scared it out of me. Feel a lot better for sobriety though - a shitty day is a shitty day and a drink doesn’t help, but you know that better than me
I was having a G&T can outside of Waitrose waiting for a bus and the next day I got called in by the headmistress of my daughters school for “inappropriate behaviour in public”. “We are concerned for you” she said. And asked if I wanted my daughter present. It was a can of G&T at 8pm and I had had a shorty day at work
I'll just offer this one from my stock pile: Family holiday. I was 11. My brother had been taking boxing lessons which meant when he wasn't in the ring he was using me to practice on. After my 11th punch in the upper arm of the day, I'd had enough. We were outside a shop that sold tourist tat in Cornwall, and my brother was playing hit 'n run: He hit me, then ran away.
Biding my time, I waited for the moment when I knew I could land a punch on his arm without him dodging it and laughing at me. WHACK! Got the bugger.
EXCEPT... an old lady yelled "HEY!" The person I had just punched was wearing an identical blue raincoat to my brother. They were female. They were at least sixty years older. Like a rabbit in the headlights, mortified, what could I say? "Sorry, I thought you were someone else"? So, doing as my brother always did - I ran away.
Thank gawd for this post Justin. Having awoken early to texts from US telling me, a resounding NO to a tv idea I had thought was a shoo-in, I was clinging on to the whole 'if its for you... ' that my Irish mother feels is HER mantra. Not a humiliation as such - just crushing realisation that every idea one has in telly is the same as some other fucker has done. This post cheered me no end. NOT at your humiliations, but the clever wit with which you told said tales.
So if you live in South London and are waiting for a bus - don’t even think about having the G&T can in your Waitrose bag. However shite your day. You will feel like you’re back at school again and in big trouble with the headmistress
Wasnt really a small humiliation - was quite a big one
Just an ordinary primary - but apparently South London is big on “safeguarding”. When my daughter was at home safe with her dad. They had a long few days of whether to call social services. For one gin can. I don’t drink any more - maybe it scared it out of me. Feel a lot better for sobriety though - a shitty day is a shitty day and a drink doesn’t help, but you know that better than me
WHAT?!? Wtf is it to do with them? How posh is your daughter’s school exactly?! That is actually insane behaviour on their part.
If you were in Scotland where I’m from they wouldn’t even know whose mother you were
Bloody South London
Shitty even. Some TA had seen me and reported me
I was having a G&T can outside of Waitrose waiting for a bus and the next day I got called in by the headmistress of my daughters school for “inappropriate behaviour in public”. “We are concerned for you” she said. And asked if I wanted my daughter present. It was a can of G&T at 8pm and I had had a shorty day at work
Am actually hysterical. I do hope you have a pair of labradoodles called Janice and Fiona. Or maybe name your balls after these ladies.
Hahaha! Thanks for reading.
Oh lawd. My life already.
I'll just offer this one from my stock pile: Family holiday. I was 11. My brother had been taking boxing lessons which meant when he wasn't in the ring he was using me to practice on. After my 11th punch in the upper arm of the day, I'd had enough. We were outside a shop that sold tourist tat in Cornwall, and my brother was playing hit 'n run: He hit me, then ran away.
Biding my time, I waited for the moment when I knew I could land a punch on his arm without him dodging it and laughing at me. WHACK! Got the bugger.
EXCEPT... an old lady yelled "HEY!" The person I had just punched was wearing an identical blue raincoat to my brother. They were female. They were at least sixty years older. Like a rabbit in the headlights, mortified, what could I say? "Sorry, I thought you were someone else"? So, doing as my brother always did - I ran away.
Hahaha oh my! Proof that violence never solves anything!
I'd just like to add "peace and love to all OAPs out there". Bloody lucky I didn't go for a head shot... *hides face in deep deep shame*
The book club meeting and the uni lectures. 🙈😱
No place for a fragile ego in this business!
I think anyone who can be so savage has never been a writer. Yikes! 🙈 besides, your writing is brilliant. 🤩🫶🏻
Ha you’re very kind, thank you.
Thank gawd for this post Justin. Having awoken early to texts from US telling me, a resounding NO to a tv idea I had thought was a shoo-in, I was clinging on to the whole 'if its for you... ' that my Irish mother feels is HER mantra. Not a humiliation as such - just crushing realisation that every idea one has in telly is the same as some other fucker has done. This post cheered me no end. NOT at your humiliations, but the clever wit with which you told said tales.
oh no I'm so sorry things haven't worked out for the TV idea – thank you so much for reading!