The truth about 'The Bear'

Can I make it past the pilot of the chaotic kitchen drama everyone is talking about?

The truth about everything* is different every week! This week, it’s the turn of EJECTOR SEAT, where I watch the pilot episode of a TV show old or new, and ask myself (literally) whether it’s worth carrying on (based on what I’ve seen in this episode only).

Okay, so what’s The Bear all about? Beefy, hirsute gay men? Grizzlies out in the wild?

Errr, no, neither of those. If you’ve ever watched an episode of Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares and thought, ‘they should really make a comedy-drama about this set of assholes’, you’re in luck. The Bear is set in the kitchen of a family restaurant, whose staff are still reeling from the death of the owner, Michael.

Sounds heavy. So I’m guessing there’s a plucky hero helicoptered in to save the day then?

It is heavy, but it also isn’t. And, yes, there’s a plucky hero, Michael’s brother Carmy, played by slightly aardvarkian Jeremy Allen White. He’s given up his fancy schmancy job as a chef de cuisine in an even fancier schmancier restaurant in New York to come back and run what is basically a sandwich shop.

And he’s not entirely happy about that?

Hard to tell, as he looks permanently aggrieved, but the restaurant was left in his care so doubtless he feels obliged.

So what’s the setup?

We head straight into the action. The restaurant is deep in debt and Carmy hasn’t enough meat for the day’s service. To get his hands on more, he’ll have to swerve all the suppliers he owes money to and pay for it using denim he appears to be ageing himself in a oven, and coins retrieved from the Ballbreaker arcade machines in the restaurant.

Wtf is Ballbreaker?

It’s a fictitious arcade game that looks like a knockoff of several other schlocky street fighting games from the 90s.

Arcade machines? In a restaurant? How does that work?

I’m not entirely sure of the floor plan of this place –we don’t see customers eating there in the pilot, but the whole thing looks like a set from dingy nineties horror movie Se7en, so God knows is the answer to that one. Anyway, in an effort to raise more cash, Carmy posts on socials that the restaurant will be hosting a Ballbreaker tournament that very day, and the posts go viral, leading to a mob of gaming nerds to turn up and start getting aggro outside the restaurant. But that’s nothing compared to the hostility he’s feeling in the kitchen. His staff certainly put him through his paces.

What’s their beef?

They’re not here for his airs and graces and habit of appending ‘chef!’ to every request and instruction, like he’s back in his top restaurant and not squirrelling round possibly the filthiest kitchen in Chicago. As line chef Tina gleefully tells him, ‘You cut vegetables like a bitch’. The biggest pain in his ass, however, is Michael’s best friend and (former? I couldn’t tell) manager of the restaurant, Richie, who is a massive, massive a-hole. Just awful. And there’s a whole thing about some spaghetti that made me want to leap through the screen and torch the place.

What if we kissed in the grotty cold store of a Chicago sandwich shop? {Photo: FXP/Hulu]

I’m guessing the kitchen veterans have a system and that’s how they like things?

Yep, in fact the episode is named ‘System’, and once Richie turns up, the antsy badinage between the staff turns into full-throttle rancour. There’s much dick-waving by the two men, who couldn’t be more different. Richie dismisses Carmy as woke (🚩) and is a hotheaded, rude neanderthal who’s inexplicably adored by much of the staff.  They’re bickering about meat and menus, but the animosity goes way deeper.

Did you say this was a comedy-drama? Where’s the light relief?

Ugh, we’re kind of light on it. We get wide-eyed newbie Sydney, a young sous-chef who used to come to the restaurant with her dad when she was a kid. She very handily drops some exposition about who Carmy is and serves as the viewer’s eyes into this impenetrable clique. And then we have Fak, a family friend and kind of handyman who seems like a loveable moron. There’s also a brief appearance from Carmy’s sister Sugar, who’s worried about him and serves to remind us Carmy exists on the periphery of his family. But other than that it’s relentless.

Okay, so it’s the pilot, we’ve had a bit of exposition, but any flashbacks? Dream sequences?

One flashback, to a body on a mortuary table. And a dream sequence of Carmy tempting a bear out of a cage. We also have some flashes of scenes from Chicago itself and vintage childhood photos to set the scene that this is a show about family. Some of the exposition is pretty blink and you’ll miss it. The pace is pretty frantic, and on my first watch, I’d lost the thread and didn't twig who Michael was supposed to be until halfway through. (I didn't read anything about the show before watching.) If you like second-screening and consume most TV shows via glances up from your phone, this probably won’t work for you.

Most impressive scene?

It’s all impressive in that it feels very real, and almost unscripted. There is no gloss, no Hollywood sheen – except for everyone’s lovely clear skin, obviously. But I found it quite disorienting, in a way. The way it was shot made me feel on edge, the performances got under my skin, and not in a good way. Especially once Richie turns up shouting the odds, I found any scene with him in unwatchable. I suppose that’s the point, you’re supposed to dislike him and bat for Carmy, but… it left me desperate to get Environmental Health in to close them down.

Hi, I’m Tina. What the f have you done with my favourite pan? [FXP/Hulu]

Oh… erm, any standout performances?

Everyone is very good at what they do. No stinkers among them. Liza Colón Mayas as Tina, maybe, is the one who sells her character the best. Tina’s personality shines through the most, she’s a tough cookie, but you know underneath it all she’s got a heart of gold and would kill for you. In fact, maybe this is my problem with it.

Problem?

The pilot is short, so doesn’t have long to set everything up. Watching it, perhaps it felt like every character was being presented to me too neatly. I could almost see their trajectory laid out before me, I quickly worked out what I was supposed to think of them. In a way, this is talented writing and clever characterisation, but maybe I like the chase more. Tina rides Carmy and the rest of the kitchen hard in the first half – the ‘f•ck off’ right in young Sydney’s face is brutal – but you know she’ll soften even before she says, at the staff meal, that she is most grateful for her coworkers. Marcus the baker, who messes up the bread, learns a new trick from Carmy and you can see the cogs turning; Carmy will win him round too. And sweet Sydney is obviously set to be a major talent. I almost felt like I didn't need to watch it, like I’d read spoilers on Twitter (I haven’t). Also Richie’s cartoon hostility annoyed me too much to accept it is a necessary part of the story, and Carmy’s suffering and dedication was sledgehammered to me. Something felt off about them all; I wanted to earn those journeys, not have it signposted.

Can I be honest? Is this about it being a prestige show, and one that *everyone* is talking about? Aren’t you one of those people who gets all uppity about shows lots of people watch – Succession, Breaking Bad – and refuse to watch them?

Not exactly, but it’s true that blanket adulation does put me off watching a show – it took me years to break and join the Mad Men party – and I hesitated to post this edition of Ejector Seat because it’s the first negative one I’ve done and a LOT of people love this show. It really does feel like a dramatisation of a Gordon Ramsay documentary. Confrontation, aggression, hostility, noxious testosterone. Also… I really don’t like watching shows where people are making a mess while cooking. It makes me feel sick.

Are you for real? You don’t like The Bear because they don’t wipe their surfaces enough?

Yes. Aware that people might demand I give the show a chance, I skipped ahead to an episode everyone was raving about, season 2 episode ‘Fishes’, and it was everything I disliked about the show turned up to 11. Slops of sauce everywhere, people rushing around and screeching and talking over each other. I lasted ten minutes. Off it went.

Anything good to say about it?

Sure! If you like chaotic realism and fiction tropes like grumpy/sunshine and forced proximity, you will love this show. There are some great performances, impressive guest stars to come, and interesting takes on the concept of family.

Okay, so here’s the big question which… I think you’ve already answered. The Ejector Seat is poised, are we pushing the button and parachuting out of here or are we in this for the long haul?

I ejected out of here so long ago, my parachute is already folded and packed up for the next flight. Sorry, The Bear, but you’re just too grisly for me.

Groan. Marks out of ten?

Still no scores! I meant what I said.

Whatever. Don’t come running to me when the ‘well, actually you obviously don’t understand the show’ crowd start baying for your blood.

I won’t. I’ve read my reviews on Goodreads – nothing they can do can hurt me. (I feel bad! Sorry I’m not a fan on your show! Go eat a sandwich and count your blessings!)

The Bear is available on Disney+ in the UK. I’m sure if you watch it enough you grow to love it but that’s not how the format of this newsletter works. 🙂